My grandmother (of Native American descent) often said,
Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.
And apparently, as a child, I soaked that right up! So much so, that I became an empath. Or perhaps, I was born an empath and her words resonated with me and validated my nature. Either way, empathy can be quite the double-edged sword. I’ve realized my life’s path has had me walk more than a mile in my mom’s moccasins–and also in my dad’s shoes. And I’m tired. Yet, profoundly grateful that I’ve learned so much.
No matter how many times I’ve pondered the heartache, the gut-wrenching, soul-shaking, events of my childhood–that I’ve recreated (knowingly or not) in my adult life, with some incredibly ridiculous desire to FIX–I can’t fix anyone else. And I’m glad I figured that out before I met my third husband! No one can fix anyone else.
Just like that old joke,
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The bulb has to want to be changed.
Unfortunately, even my children picked up the yoke of this dastardly twisted need to fix others, as they’ve fallen into some of the same relationship woes as I have in the past. And fortunately, all of us are in healthy relationships presently! Thank God we’ve all awakened from the lure of this whole “fixing” trap!
So, why am I writing this piercing note in the middle of the night?
Because I promised my daughter, if I accomplish one thing on this planet while I’m alive this time around, it is to break the “lather, rinse, and repeat” cycle of fixing–for my granddaughter. And all of my writing (both online and in books) is to ultimately leave earth-bound knowledge for my grandchildren. Of course, if any of these words help others, that’s a bonus. I never fully knew Divine LOVE, until I held my granddaughter in my arms for the first time. She (Jennie), means more to me than I can ever fully put into words.
What can I deduce from this new found comprehension of having walked all of these miles, in my mother’s, and yes, some in my father’s moccasins?
That life’s not been easy. But, it was never my job to work out their issues.
My “love of my life” husband and I picked up a saying this past year that goes,
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
And whenever I start to complain about something that doesn’t really belong to me–someone else’s drama–my hubby will pop that quote out to me. I love him so much for bringing things like that to my attention! He knows the empath in me often gets sucked into other’s drama, because I always feel that I can help ease their pain–somehow.
The Universe presented us with that very same phrase the other day, while we were enjoying our big outdoor Awakening Into The Sun festival! My friend Mary Ann, owner of Awakened Fibers had a handmade wall hanging with the words, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” embroidered on it! How fun!
And as if that wasn’t enough, a few minutes later while visiting with Dr. Alison J. Kay, her assistant, Brenda, told us a new phrase that fully resonated with me. It was,
You’ve heard it said to get your ducks in a row? But, they were never your ducks.
My goodness! What if the stuff I took on (for years), all of those “other people’s problems”, were never my ducks? I never needed to get any “ducks” in a row to straighten out my parents issues. Who did I think I was to feel burdened to do that? Ugh! And now you see why I am tired. Tired of carrying the emotional baggage of others–it was never my bag to carry!
On the upside, I’ve had a successful (nearly thirty year) career out of the need to walk in my dad’s technical “know-how” shoes. And after wanting a pair of real honest-to-God moccasins for years, I finally got some, and I’ve been wearing them all winter. I feel every pebble under my feet as I walk. And I love it! I get the benefit of grounding daily, and knowing that wearing these shoes, physically brings my grandmother’s saying directly into my body, instead of it just hanging around in my mind like some mystical cloud.
So, yes, there are always positives. I know this. Why does it have to take some of us so long to figure it out?
Oh, because we’re programmed as children. Culturally, socially, and if you were raised in a religious faith, you (and I) were programmed. I’m glad I figured that out!
Now, energetically at least, I’ve cut the cord of all of this for my granddaughter–and any additional grandchildren whenever they enter our lives.
Here and now I state, my grandchildren will not have to take any historical family burdens upon themselves. They can be self-filled. Self-motivated. They can help others as they choose. Free spirits! They can care for themselves first, without guilt. They can choose to do what they love! They do not have to repeat the sins of their parents, or of mine. They do not need to try and figure anything out. The past is the past and it is abSOULutely done.
I have broken this chain of fools.