Why does it seem that opposites attract? Takers take too much from givers. Givers give too much and become drained, or sick. Energy vampires SUCK!
Why does it seem that opposites attract? Takers take too much from givers. Givers give too much and become drained, or sick. Energy vampires SUCK!
My grandmother (of Native American descent) often said,
Never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.
And apparently, as a child, I soaked that right up! So much so, that I became an empath. Or perhaps, I was born an empath and her words resonated with me and validated my nature. Either way, empathy can be quite the double-edged sword. I’ve realized my life’s path has had me walk more than a mile in my mom’s moccasins–and also in my dad’s shoes. And I’m tired. Yet, profoundly grateful that I’ve learned so much.
No matter how many times I’ve pondered the heartache, the gut-wrenching, soul-shaking, events of my childhood–that I’ve recreated (knowingly or not) in my adult life, with some incredibly ridiculous desire to FIX–I can’t fix anyone else. And I’m glad I figured that out before I met my third husband! No one can fix anyone else.
Just like that old joke,
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The bulb has to want to be changed.
Unfortunately, even my children picked up the yoke of this dastardly twisted need to fix others, as they’ve fallen into some of the same relationship woes as I have in the past. And fortunately, all of us are in healthy relationships presently! Thank God we’ve all awakened from the lure of this whole “fixing” trap!
So, why am I writing this piercing note in the middle of the night?
Because I promised my daughter, if I accomplish one thing on this planet while I’m alive this time around, it is to break the “lather, rinse, and repeat” cycle of fixing–for my granddaughter. And all of my writing (both online and in books) is to ultimately leave earth-bound knowledge for my grandchildren. Of course, if any of these words help others, that’s a bonus. I never fully knew Divine LOVE, until I held my granddaughter in my arms for the first time. She (Jennie), means more to me than I can ever fully put into words.
What can I deduce from this new found comprehension of having walked all of these miles, in my mother’s, and yes, some in my father’s moccasins?
That life’s not been easy. But, it was never my job to work out their issues.
My “love of my life” husband and I picked up a saying this past year that goes,
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
And whenever I start to complain about something that doesn’t really belong to me–someone else’s drama–my hubby will pop that quote out to me. I love him so much for bringing things like that to my attention! He knows the empath in me often gets sucked into other’s drama, because I always feel that I can help ease their pain–somehow.
The Universe presented us with that very same phrase the other day, while we were enjoying our big outdoor Awakening Into The Sun festival! My friend Mary Ann, owner of Awakened Fibers had a handmade wall hanging with the words, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” embroidered on it! How fun!
And as if that wasn’t enough, a few minutes later while visiting with Dr. Alison J. Kay, her assistant, Brenda, told us a new phrase that fully resonated with me. It was,
You’ve heard it said to get your ducks in a row? But, they were never your ducks.
My goodness! What if the stuff I took on (for years), all of those “other people’s problems”, were never my ducks? I never needed to get any “ducks” in a row to straighten out my parents issues. Who did I think I was to feel burdened to do that? Ugh! And now you see why I am tired. Tired of carrying the emotional baggage of others–it was never my bag to carry!
On the upside, I’ve had a successful (nearly thirty year) career out of the need to walk in my dad’s technical “know-how” shoes. And after wanting a pair of real honest-to-God moccasins for years, I finally got some, and I’ve been wearing them all winter. I feel every pebble under my feet as I walk. And I love it! I get the benefit of grounding daily, and knowing that wearing these shoes, physically brings my grandmother’s saying directly into my body, instead of it just hanging around in my mind like some mystical cloud.
So, yes, there are always positives. I know this. Why does it have to take some of us so long to figure it out?
Oh, because we’re programmed as children. Culturally, socially, and if you were raised in a religious faith, you (and I) were programmed. I’m glad I figured that out!
Now, energetically at least, I’ve cut the cord of all of this for my granddaughter–and any additional grandchildren whenever they enter our lives.
Here and now I state, my grandchildren will not have to take any historical family burdens upon themselves. They can be self-filled. Self-motivated. They can help others as they choose. Free spirits! They can care for themselves first, without guilt. They can choose to do what they love! They do not have to repeat the sins of their parents, or of mine. They do not need to try and figure anything out. The past is the past and it is abSOULutely done.
I have broken this chain of fools.
Just before the New Year, I had the immense pleasure of doing a bit of “pre-paving” my future by attending Dr. Alison J. Kay’s, “Your Sensitivity Is Your Power” tele-call series, and wowee!!
So, what happened after I attended the tele-call series?
I gained a clarity of my own personal power. Almost like I was stepping up a staircase of emotional well-being and balance! Yes, I accepted an invitation from the Universe to step up my personal power by being on these calls, and I’m the better for it!
As a sensitive type of person–in my life having been known as one to cry easily, become overly concerned with other people’s dramas, or get easily overwhelmed, I noticed each day after the tele-call experience, I felt lighter, happier, and less concerned with other people’s “stuff” going on around me!
Sometimes, I tend to feel as though I am carrying the burden of other people so much, that I prefer not to interact with others at all. Much of those feelings lifted after the tele-call series for me, and continue to lift as time goes on.
People used to tell me they knew I was naturally empathic. Dr. Kay explained empaths and their traits in great detail during the tele-call series. She let us know how each of us could use our gift of empathy to give us more ease and comfort day-to-day. We learned how to use our sensitive side without losing our sense of self.
After each tele-call, I began to practice any/all of the following each day–whenever any difficult situation or conversation would occur:
Empaths have our own level of sensitivity, level of awareness, unique energetic healing modalities, and spiritual gifts to share with the world! I am ready to share mine!
The tele-call sessions with Dr. Alison J Kay and her empowering messages and clearings, transformed past (even something that happened a moment ago is “the past”) shame of negative actions–allowing me to consciously “let go” of negative limiting thoughts, acknowledging that forgiveness is a daily process. I knew the pain I felt in my body were the cells of my body (scientist Candace Pert proved cells hold memories) calling out for me to transcend and know that really everything IS okay!
Dr. Kay’s clearings tuned me in and provided me with different verbiage to explain to myself, and to you in this post, what had been happening. Healing is an ongoing PROCESS!
Everyday life causes certain connections to occur:
Many of us abdicate our ability to choose and lose a moment (or more) of happiness and joy for ourselves and others. And we can help others – we really can! If we’re in better shape emotionally, mentally, and physically, we can change the world! And why is that important? Because We Are All Connected!
The energies and what I learned during Dr. Alison J. Kay’s tele-call series for sensitives continues to free me. The time spent on her calls FELT sooo good, not just for a short time, but weeks later.
About Dr. Alison J. Kay: Meditation and yoga teacher Dr. Alison J. Kay, offers weekly group telephone calls, online video-conferencing (Google Hangout), and private sessions where you can learn about meditation techniques. She teaches yoga classes too! Her group fitness classes include: yoga, mind-body, and core-strengthening.
Dr. Alison J. Kay studied in the east, Asia and India and thoroughly knows and understands the basis of the placebo effect (using several modalities, including meditation) and it’s relationship basis of subtle energy.
Learn more about Dr. Kay here –>> Alison J. Kay (Healer, author, yoga and meditation teacher, QiGong instructor, and coach)
The tele-call series gave me hope for all of us to continue on our journey, learning and growing every day. To me, there is no such thing as “false hope”. Hope is hope. Because FAITH is the SUBSTANCE of things not yet seen.
I invite you to continue opening your mind to learning about something new in 2016 and beyond. You are never to old to be open to receive new and helpful information.
Be ye blessed in ALL ways.
UPDATE 25-Oct-2015: Just when I had begun, and I do mean “begun” to feel I’d worked through all of my feelings (figured out how to get all the way to number one on the emotional guidance scale… I slid right back down to #15 (at least) and started crying when my beautiful little four year old granddaughter asked to “see Beau” while we were on video conference tonight! Damn, where was my emotional balance that had begun to feel better? It all went to shit, and fast. I had to jump right back on here and read my list again!!
UPDATE 27-Oct-2015: My wonderfully supportive husband put a big picture of you (Beau) on our iMac desktop. When I sat down at the computer and touched it, lighting up the desktop to reveal your picture, I gasped, “Oh, Beau!” and then, “Oh, thank you hubby! What beautiful thing to do!” It was this close-up of Beau taken about six or seven years ago. He was in perfect health! But, I started to cry…
UPDATE 28-Oct-2015: I don’t know what happened. But, when I came home from work today (after having my Pilates workout), I signed onto the computer, saw Beau’s close-up picture and I smiled! Yes, finally! It’s been a week now after his passing and I can actually smile and think of GOOD memories when I see his picture. This is wonderful progress back to my normal emotionally balanced set point. We went to dinner also, and I was able to show the picture I took of the computer desktop, 1) to give my husband props for doing this, and 2) to show off Beau. He’s such a cutie. I was able to talk about him and not cry. I still miss him, and yes, I catch some emotion in my throat when I go to plug my phone in, near where his water bowl was, but I am letting go of the overwhelming emotions.
I hope others can benefit (at least a little bit) from my process. Love and many blessings to all (furry and human).
I’ve heard it said, “you’re either growing or dying” and that, “the universe is either expanding or shrinking.” If that is true, then it seems to acknowledge that everything in life, all there is around us, is dynamic – nothing is static.
In a previous post, I wrote that, “We grow as blades of grass, up through the earth.” And that “dirt, or earth, is analogous to all of the resistance we encounter.” These thoughts were instigated years ago, when a coworker encouraged me with the phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” Oh how right she was!
At that time, I felt constant irritation from a superior when he would casually walk by my desk and tell me to smile – while I was working! Being the studious and serious type, smiling while concentrating on work tasks was something I just didn’t do. The more he admonished me to smile, the more aggravated I became. In passing, I must have mentioned my exasperation one day to my friend, when she lavished me with that golden nugget of truth – about the blooming. I even remember thinking of a response to her – likened to – “yes, no matter how much fertilizer is put upon you!” (but I didn’t tell her).
Day in and day out, I would notice people around me laughing, chatting, and cutting up during the day, but not me. I’m an empath, and feel lots of things, very strongly. The larger issue during this time, however, was that I became resentful.
I recall thinking, “we’re here to work” and “we’re here to earn our pay.” Why was I always the one to feel so determined! I was always applying effort. The pitfalls of continually wanting to do my best, try hard, people-please, and succeed, yada, yada. But at what cost to my self?
Realizing I was wallowing in resistance, I knew I had to climb out of it, or it would bury me. A seed pushes against dirt in order to grow, but I felt as though I was pushing against me, not growing, but receding! Plants, indeed everything in the living kingdom need the resistance in order to grow, and grow strong.
One day I learned what hell meant. Out in the garden we can hell for potatoes, as in “we’re sweating out here helling for potatoes.” Hell is just “the ground”, or “the dirt.” It never was meant to be some fearful place of oppression or torment. So, my thoughts of “this is hell” was the only thing that kept me disturbed. And I lacked the knowledge, at the time, of how to climb up out of the grave (of the frustrating job) up the slippery walls of resistance and into freedom.
Eventually, as other factors contributed, I left the job.
Years later, during a time of fasting, those years of struggle came to mind, but with softness and thanksgiving, the resentment fading. Not only had I learned more about myself, but as a body builder strengthens muscles from lifting weights, I had grown emotional muscles, in fact “blooming“, from what I had perceived as resistance!
I distinctly remembered the day I had begun saying to myself (about my boss), “Thank you for helping me to make a better decision” – whenever I’d felt picked on or taken advantage of (to do more work). I couldn’t change whether or not I was picked on, but I could have changed my reaction to it! And it had always been my choice – whether I was willing or able to know it then or not – as to how much work I was willing to take on.
All the feelings I’d felt were solely based on my perception and may not have been entirely accurate, as one can never really see things from all sides anyway.
Looking back, I saw where I had resisted quite a few things during that time, which is probably why I felt harried and stressed. Oh, had I just learned to “go with the flow” sooner, I could have smiled and experienced joy.
I’ve learned, we didn’t come into this life for the struggle. Life will go on without us after we’re gone. Whether we leave a company, end a marriage, or die. Nothing’s static, everything changes.
Now? I’m learning to let go and breathe. Get more play into each day. My former superior might be happy to know that once in awhile, even if I’m troubleshooting something, I smile and “in – joy” doing whatever it is I’m attempting to do. I wish for you the same.
See ya on the flip-side dynamic good buddy.
Life’s a thrill, hang on and enjoy the ride!
What are your “limiting beliefs”?
Limiting beliefs are thoughts you keep thinking, that probably sneak out in your speaking, that are your perceived limitations, and they limit you from moving forward in at least one area of life.
After a year of working on my limiting beliefs – the ones I had already admitted to myself – I happened to hear myself say, “Nobody listens to me” while discussing something with a coworker. Aha! I’d just caught a limiting belief! It’s something I say over and over again, and think even more! It IS a limiting belief and it’s not true! People do listen to me, even if they don’t – in the moment – express the hearing of my message, or acknowledge that what I’m saying may prompt them to action, or change.
I stopped right in the middle of the conversation and explained to my coworker that I had to jot down my “aha moment“.
Meditation has helped me become aware of my thoughts. Listening to myself, I can barely have a conversation anymore without really hearing what I say! Am I communicating my highest intention?
Aha moments are vitally important. I am always learning (from my own words) and love these type of profound teachable moments, which add serenity to my life!
I am an empath, so I must always be observant of my thoughts to know whether I’m taking on someone else’s stuff, or whether indeed, my thoughts and feelings are my own.
Now I know that anytime I start to go down the thought path of “nobody listens to me”, I can change it to “everybody listens to me”, or “everybody hears me”.
I’ll try that and see how other things change in my life. Now that’s a limiting belief worth sharing.
I must say, today has been a ridiculously aWEsOMe day! I’ve just been published, a second time! The book launched on Amazon.com with amazing success… by this evening, yes the end of the first full day – the book “The Energy of Receiving” reached #3 in the Self-Help category, AND #1 in the Self-Help, Spiritual category!!! I, along with my publisher, and the other 16 authors (18 total) who co-created this book are THRILLED!!!
I’m reading my copy of the book and posting a review on Amazon about it SOON!
Also, my husband and I will be participating in the Awakening Into the Sun weekend festival in St. Petersburg March 7th and 8th 2015, and we’ll have a booth where I’ll be selling, and signing copies of the book. I will have 20 paperback copies for sale so, if you want a signed copy, come on out!
As an empath, it will be interesting to see how much I feel during the event, and how many times I experience “God bumps”. I continue to note, when and where I feel God bumps, and it seems that it’s whenever I am talking about God, or spiritual (deep thought) topics, become familiar with someone’s pain (mental, emotional, or physical), or open a gateway (to unlimited possibility).
UPDATE: The festival was an aWEsOMe success! We enjoyed meeting many new people, reconnecting with friends, watching and listening to new musicians, and sharing with other like-minded, like-spirited folk! I will be blogging about many of our friends in the upcoming weeks and months, so stay tuned! 🙂
You can click below to check out my latest book and buy, if you’re so inclined (and thank you). My chapter is called, “Be Open To Receive”. It’s about many lessons I’ve learned. Lessons to do with putting aside one’s judgments and making s-p-a-c-e to allow God, the Universe, the Law of Attraction, or whatever name you want to call the magical, mysterious LIMITLESS unseen force of Energy, to bring you all you’ve ever really needed, at just the right time.
Click to view the book, “The Energy of Receiving” by Happiness Publishing on Amazon.
You can also now visit my author page on Amazon –>> Click Here!
On the eve of our 10th wedding anniversary, my husband and I really have a lot to be thankful for, and celebrate.
UPDATE: Check out the press release for the book –>> Click Here!
Much love to our family and friends. With heart-felt thanks, Thank You All.
We Are All Connected.