Moving from BEing unnerved to experiencing Love

I was completely unnerved!

As a highly sensitive person (HSP) I wanted to stay with my friend at an outdoor cafe and enjoy our visit, but a roaring motorcycle went by and the noise overwhelmed me!

I lost touch with the truth of who I am. I got rattled. I almost picked up my stuff and left, as I was quite literally… BESIDE MYSELF!

Allow me to tell you a fuller version of the story though:

I had arrived 10 minutes early to Ionie’s cafe in Sarasota on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. (Jan. 17th, 2015 — a week after my birthday.)

A dear friend and I had previously agreed (earlier that same day) to meet at 1pm there and though she is usually early, she wasn’t on this particular day. I don’t state this to judge, only to establish a precursor to my story.

The last time we had met there, we sat outside and I was prepared to sit outside, but when I arrived I noticed that both outdoor deck tables were full so, I proceeded inside to find a table. It was a fairly busy time there.

My friend arrived a few minutes after 1 (I did not note the exact time because I had been relaxing, listening to the peaceful music and drinking a beet juice drink and water).

As she arrived, we said hello and hugged briefly and she asked if we could sit outside. I told her the tables were full and she said, she’d seen an empty one on the way in (possibly so, things change of course). I said “There wasn’t one available when I came in”, and that I preferred to stay inside (I don’t know why, perhaps because I’d become comfortable). Having none of that however, my friend went back outside to hold the table and asked our server, if we could move my things out there.

I gave in (another precursor) and just as I sat down outside a VERY loud motorcycle went by and I proclaimed that it was the reason I did not want to sit there. She said, “We sat out here the last time”, and I should have said, “Yes, and I didn’t like it” and “since we sat outside before, let’s try inside today.” After all, I had invited her to join me – as I had been there several times by myself. But, I didn’t. I allowed myself to be manipulated, after all, I love change and am flexible to the desire of others (many times to my detriment though)!

At any rate, the point of this writing this now is my logical attempt to put words around the experience of the FEELING that overtook me. When that motorcycle went by, I felt as though I was going to come OUT of my skin!! My entire nervous system shook. My hands and legs trembled. I went back inside of the cafe to reclaim the previous table with thoughts in my mind of leaving. But I wanted to preserve the friendship and felt if I reacted in a dramatic way, I might rock the boat. As well, I have written book chapters about “Connections” and “Being open to receive” so I opted within my mind to find a way to overcome my reaction, noting to mySelf in that moment that I may be overreacting.

My friend came back in and tried to reassure me that they had another table out to the side of the building (not on the street) where we could move the chairs from the other outdoor deck table in order to sit in a quieter spot. Thus, compromising (or giving in), we sat under a tree by the parking lot. It was a bit easier on my senses.

I awkwardly explained to my friend that I needed to calm myself. I sat utterly quiet. I repositioned my chair, made my body comfortable, and breathed for about the count of ten.

After settling in to the new outdoor spot, the conversation we had over the course of 2 hours, was very beautiful, engaging, and I even expressed to her how I was learning to handle events like what had just happened. I had felt my central nervous system was burned out, as I worked in another town (at that time) and had to wear headphones most everyday because of the city and office noise.

An emergency vehicle went by at one point and I expressed (in a bit easier way this time) that this also disturbed me. It mostly aggravated me (I put my fingers in my ears while the siren was sounded) because when they turned off the siren, I took my fingers out of my ears, then they immediately sounded the siren again! Ugh!! I rhetorically asked, “Why can’t they just leave it on until they get to wherever it is they’re going”?

When it was time to leave, we exchanged a hug and my friend genuinely thanked me for sitting outside. And in that moment I knew we would not have had our lovely visit if I had left earlier when I was mad over the initial irritation.

What I learned:

Allowing this moment to be as it is and just be aware of it;

I must always reach for the best feeling thought and comfort myself;

Just breathe;

Touch an acupressure point or focus on one and breathe;

I may not always express or articulate my pain or displeasure appropriately, but I can at least let the person know that I need a few moments to center myself.

Later on that day, I recognized my emotional balance and growth. And that at no point in this experience, which I called an “assault on my senses” did I cry! Even just a year or so prior, I may have cried during, or after the experience, or when I would later recount the story to my husband. Hmmm… change is GOOD!

The next day I found this beautiful interview:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ9UtuWfs3U

The lotus grow out of mud – you cannot grow a lotus on marble but in mud.

Suffering is mud to grow the flower of understanding and Love.

  • Meditate in every moment
  • Live in the here and now
  • Recite a mantra or not
  • The more people you sit with, the better for collective energy

I offer you the following FOUR mantras you can meditate with:

1) “Darling, I’m here for you”

How can you love if you aren’t there? You are not preoccupied with the past or future.

2) “Darling, I know you are there”

Use this to recognize the existence of the other person.

when your beloved one suffers use the third mantra:

3) “Darling, I know you suffer that is why I am here for you”

Simply your presence can give someone a lift.

Lastly, when you suffer and you believe your suffering has been caused by your beloved one – use the fourth mantra:

4) “Darling, I suffer. I am trying my best to practice Love, please help me.”

 

❤️🦋🌀

It seems simple.

 

This is also quite a beautiful lesson:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg

 

So, on a deeper level, what really happened that day?

I learned that I am my perceptions. I learned what the true nature of “I” is.

Listening.

Perceiving.

Observing.

With Attention.

The real me is the “I” that is underneath all of the circumstances of my life.

In the moment of non-thinking is Attention.

Timeless, untouched by time. I before it becomes this or that. Just “I”.

My first guru of the Eastern arts and teacher, Ram Giri Braun, taught me this wonderful mantra in 2008:

“I am loving awareness.”

He said this is not for the mind, this is from Ram Dass. It is not meant to make sense. It’s about feeling something. Get in touch with YOU. Get in touch with the lovable YOU that’s inside of you.

Ram Giri taught me Open Attention and HeartSourcing.

You can learn about that too, here.

 

On Jan. 31st, 2015 I took a class at Suncoast Jin Shin Jyutsu with Michelle Giambra in Sarasota, FL. At the beginning of the class Michelle stated that, “Synchronicities abound.” And then another lady in the class said, “We love the synchronicities that abound here”! Beautiful!

Note: The first four letters in Michelle’s last name are, “G-I-A-M” like the online TV channel I love GIAM, that later changed their name to GAIA: https://www.gaia.com )

I learned there are ways to hold my body that will calm me, ease tension, and anxiety! Break-throughs!!

We Are All Connected. OM

Many blessings to you in ALL ways.

 

A bit about me:

An Amazon bestselling author of two co-authored books: “Transform Your Life Book 2 Inspirational Stories and Expert Advice” and “Energy of Receiving”, available on Amazon.

Plus, the brand new book that’s been in the making for 13 years, Take It Upon Yourself to Live a Wholly Vibrant Life, is now available for online sale and distribution (PDF format).

Buy it here: https://beingwhollyvibrant.wordpress.com/2018/09/12/book-launch-take-it-upon-yourself-to-live-a-wholly-vibrant-life/

Be the best version of who you want to be.

Information provided is for educational purposes only and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe.

Follow me on Twitter at: TakeOnYourself

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Me too. Until now.

“I want all of the girls watching here now to know, that a new day is on the horizon. And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say, ‘me too’ again.” Energetically stated by, Oprah Winfrey, when she accepted the 2018 Cecil B. DeMille award during the Golden Globe Awards 2018. #GoldenGlobes

https://www.facebook.com/GoldenGlobes/videos/1884721461569863/

You know, every time I watch Oprah’s Golden Globe 2018 Cecil B. DeMille’s lifetime achievement award acceptance speech, I become so emotional. I understand that it’s not just because of the words within the so well-crafted speech that connects Oprah (along with us) back to her childhood, or even her captivating and powerful delivery. Yes, her speech builds up to a certain momentum–that’s true. But, Oprah uses this time, so elegantly, to teach us a grand history lesson about Recy Taylor and Rosa Parks. And to emphasize why that lesson is so important.

While I understand that we may not always share the same word definitions, personally, yes, very personally and deep, Oprah’s speech resonates with me. Why? Because I have “been there.”

I have been in too many situations where I have been sexually harassed, intimidated, berated, held back from raises or promotions, mentally and physically abused, and more. And whether through ignorance, immaturity, or low self-esteem (low self worth), on some level, I allowed men (and even a few women) to belittle, bully, manipulate, or coerce me into doing things that—at least at the time—were not in my best interest and made me feel even worse about myself.

Yes, you may think that I am strong. And many times I had to be strong. But I am sensitive, more serious than joyful, and quiet. I studied, prayed, and doggedly pulled myself through it all, (believing always with God’s help—even when I found myself in the most brazen of situations) because I had children to raise. And while I learned, forgave, and mustered through, there were times I faltered. There were times I got angry and stood up for myself and my children. But those times were rare, because it seemed there was always someone else standing near to be critical of my stance, not knowing (how could they?) of all the prior bullshit I had endured.

Only because of where I am now can I say, “Everything resolves to gratitude.

Because now, I get the end game. I’ve glimpsed the Great Beyond that awaits us all, where all of the tiny entanglements between us, all of the reasons, and nearly inconceivable intentions will be revealed!

I understand We Are All Connected, and that we are on a mysterious, yet marvelous journey in this life. That every little thing matters. That love, faith, gratitude, and joy are our rewards, and that we can experience them NOW.

The gratitude I carry with me today having come through all the chaos, does not mean I think it’s okay for abuse or bullying to occur, nor do I think it’s okay for anyone to remain in an abusive relationship. However, I know not everyone in an abusive relationship knows HOW to ask for help, or HOW to get out. I know that they may feel trapped.

More to my point though, is that I believe in hope, even if it’s only a glimmer, or only a fractal.

Take one step forward, then another. Hope. Ask. Share. Trust. Move forward with faith that you can heal, and that you can be free.

As my wise sister-in-law has taught me, “never let anyone steal your joy.” And there is always something to be joyful about, even if it’s only breath!

Live while you’re alive! Do things with people who fascinate you! Dream big!

Focus.

Only you see life through your eyes. Only you can decide what’s right for you.

To those who do not like Oprah, or do not understand her speech, it’s probably because you have not been through hell, or not the kind she spoke about.

I would encourage you to refrain from judging her speech on snippets, pundits remarks, or whatever political motivations you might think she has, etc. because for some people (like me), her speech was so vindicating and liberating that we may never be the same!

I’ve been waiting a lifetime to hear it! And I am not alone. So, please, don’t steal our joy!

Thank you, Oprah!

Here’s to the many who will be empowered to say, “Me too. Until now.”

Be the person your Soul knows you are!

Namaste. OM